Marriage Fitness

As of late, it seems many couples are having their fair share of "problems". In response to my own, I recently discovered this guy and his most excellent view on the matter of marital "bliss". So, for the next few days, I will be posting the e-mails I have received entitled, "7 Secrets for a Stronger Marriage". Hopefully you will benefit.

As promised, here's part 1 of the breakthrough
report you requested, "7 Secrets for a Stronger
Marriage."

In this report you'll discover some secrets for
renewing your marriage. Let's get started...

==========================================
"7 Secrets for a Stronger Marriage"
By Mort Fertel

SECRET 1: PUT YOUR PROBLEMS ASIDE

==========================================

If you're reading a report about how to improve
your marriage, you're probably expecting to learn
problem-solving strategies, communication
techniques, and insights about gender differences.
Do I have a SURPRISE for you!

The key to renewing your marriage is none of those
things.

How do I know this? Because I experienced it!

Unlike other relationship experts who approach the
topic from a clinical perspective, for me marriage
renewal is very personal. I'd like to share with
you my story.

My wife and I started out deeply in love. I
remember staying up all night talking, surprising
each other with thoughtful gifts, and speaking to
each other in code words. You know the feeling of
really being connected? That was us.

But then something happened that destroys most
marriages. We had a son who died when he was just
one week old. And then we had twin daughters, who
also died as newborns.

Understandably, my wife became depressed. I coped
by immersing myself in work. We ran from each
other emotionally.

Your situation probably was not so tragic, but
something happened. What was it? How did you lose
each other? Maybe you can't put your finger on it,
but things just aren't the same, right?

For us, after losing 3 children, everything felt
different. Instead of talking all night, it was a
chore to talk for a few minutes. Instead of using
our code words, we used curse words. Our
relationship consisted of screaming matches and
silent treatments.

Somewhere deep in our heart though, like you, we
knew we didn't want to lose each other. So we made
a commitment to work on our marriage. Sometimes I
tried and my wife didn't. Sometimes my wife tried
and I didn't. We went through different stages of
"trying."

What did we try?

We tried the obligatory, "Honey, let me repeat
what you said to make sure I understood you
correctly." We applied conflict resolution
strategies. My wife learned about Mars and I
learned about Venus. We even went to therapy to
wrestle with our problems. But guess what. Nothing
changed. Nothing worked.

All the advice we got (books, counselors, CD's,
whatever) asked us to face our problems. But that
just made us feel worse. And fight more.

Then we had a breakthrough.

We decided to SET ASIDE OUR PROBLEMS and try to
CONNECT with each other.
We used "POSITIVE relationship exercises" that
transformed our marriage. Not only did we resolve
our differences, we fell in love again! And we did
it...not by dealing with our problems (as serious as
they were)...but by establishing HEALTHY HABITS that
brought positive energy to our relationship.

This is the solution to most marital situations!
Believe it or not, the secret is to STEP AWAY FROM
YOUR PROBLEMS and SPEND YOUR TIME AND ENERGY
building your relationship through POSITIVE
ACTIONS.

It's counter intuitive, but if you strengthen your
relationship, most of your problems will dissipate
and what remains of them can be more easily
resolved in a safer, softer, and more forgiving
marital environment.

Pascha, before you deal with your problems,
you first have to build good will with each other.

Pascha, if your marriage is stressed, do
NOT tackle your problems. If your timing is off,
trying to solve problems with your spouse will
damage your marriage and make it LESS LIKELY that
you'll ever find resolution.

If you have lower-back problems, sometimes the
solution is to do sit-ups. Strengthening one part
of your body can heal another. Your marriage works
in a similar way.

Now you can see why Marriage Fitness is
fundamentally different from any other approach to
relationship success. It's not about
conflict-resolution or communication skills
because these are NOT the key to renewing a
marriage. The key is NOT to fix what's wrong. The
key is to make new things right.

And there are, in fact, specific things you can do
(with or without your spouse) to make things right
in your marriage.

Just as there are physical laws of the universe
(such as gravity), there are also laws for
relationships. Just as the right diet and exercise
program makes you physically stronger, certain
habits in your relationship WILL make your
marriage stronger. It's a direct cause and effect.
If you know and apply the laws, the results are
predictable--you can "make" love.

Marriage Fitness offers you a step-by-step system
to make and maintain love in your marriage. The
program works for any marriage even if only one
spouse does it. And the best news is that you
don't have to dig into your past, dredge up your
problems, or practice communication techniques.
This is not marriage counseling; it's Marriage
Fitness.

Next time I'll email you secret 2. Take care until
then.

Mort Fertel
Author of Marriage Fitness
Marriage Coach