Why?

Why does everything work backward on me? Codeine makes me hyper, alcohol makes me sleepy (I know, it's a depressant, but everyone else acts all crazy when they drink, I just want to go to sleep). And speaking of sleep, why is it when I am depressed, I CAN'T sleep?!! I just lie in bed, thoughts racing, wanting so much just to rest, but I can't. So, that is why I am here, in front of the computer, at 2:00 a.m.
My business is failing, and failing badly. And it is dragging my family down into the deep deep hole that it has dug. I can't let it happen. My family and our happiness deserves to be number one. Not some idiot, half-cocked, stupid, stupid idea that I thought was going to work!! Nothing ever works right with me. Not like it's supposed to anyway. It's always backward. I once had a watch that went backward when I wore it. It worked fine when I took it off. That was the year I was convinced I was a witch. I was in 3rd grade. I talked to a cat that wasn't really there. My dad bought me a little kid broom. It was red and had real straw for the bristles. I kept it in the corner behind my door.
I CAN see some things happen before they really do. I dreamt about my son before he was even conceived. I knew exactly what he would look like at the age he is now. I knew my sister was going to be a girl, when my parents were convinced she was a boy; so much so, that she was nameless for at least a day because they didn't have a girl's name picked out. What her "boy" middle name was supposed to be is what I named my son. Maybe that is why they have such a bond . . .?
I knew the exact moment my parents and siblings were nearly knocked off the side of a mountain many years ago. It was a scary feeling: knowing something terrible is wrong, but you just don't know what. Until a few hours later, when the police call to tell you they've been in an accident, but are okay. I asked the time of when it happened. He confirmed my "feeling" to the minute.
So. If I can know these kinds of things. Why can't I know when I should not pursue something? Why can't I know whether it will be good or bad? I just want to be happy. I can't be happy if I am constantly getting shit on. And I can't be happy if I don't know what it is I am supposed to do. My husband is very unhappy. So much so, that he won't talk to me sometimes. It breaks my heart that I have done this to him. It's all my fault. And I am so sorry. I just don't know for sure how to fix it.