She Walks!

Finally! She is walking on a regular basis all over the place! I am so happy she finally figured it out. She actually tries to walk before crawling, unlike before.

She'll be running after Parker in no time.

Why?

Why does everything work backward on me? Codeine makes me hyper, alcohol makes me sleepy (I know, it's a depressant, but everyone else acts all crazy when they drink, I just want to go to sleep). And speaking of sleep, why is it when I am depressed, I CAN'T sleep?!! I just lie in bed, thoughts racing, wanting so much just to rest, but I can't. So, that is why I am here, in front of the computer, at 2:00 a.m.
My business is failing, and failing badly. And it is dragging my family down into the deep deep hole that it has dug. I can't let it happen. My family and our happiness deserves to be number one. Not some idiot, half-cocked, stupid, stupid idea that I thought was going to work!! Nothing ever works right with me. Not like it's supposed to anyway. It's always backward. I once had a watch that went backward when I wore it. It worked fine when I took it off. That was the year I was convinced I was a witch. I was in 3rd grade. I talked to a cat that wasn't really there. My dad bought me a little kid broom. It was red and had real straw for the bristles. I kept it in the corner behind my door.
I CAN see some things happen before they really do. I dreamt about my son before he was even conceived. I knew exactly what he would look like at the age he is now. I knew my sister was going to be a girl, when my parents were convinced she was a boy; so much so, that she was nameless for at least a day because they didn't have a girl's name picked out. What her "boy" middle name was supposed to be is what I named my son. Maybe that is why they have such a bond . . .?
I knew the exact moment my parents and siblings were nearly knocked off the side of a mountain many years ago. It was a scary feeling: knowing something terrible is wrong, but you just don't know what. Until a few hours later, when the police call to tell you they've been in an accident, but are okay. I asked the time of when it happened. He confirmed my "feeling" to the minute.
So. If I can know these kinds of things. Why can't I know when I should not pursue something? Why can't I know whether it will be good or bad? I just want to be happy. I can't be happy if I am constantly getting shit on. And I can't be happy if I don't know what it is I am supposed to do. My husband is very unhappy. So much so, that he won't talk to me sometimes. It breaks my heart that I have done this to him. It's all my fault. And I am so sorry. I just don't know for sure how to fix it.

"don't keep that up!"

Parker, the 3 1/2 year old I call my son, and I were outside and he was begging and begging me to go for a walk up the street to the store to get laffy taffys (his candy of choice since BIRTH!) Well, Lydia was asleep and I had just ordered a pizza, so I kept telling him we couldn't go yet. He persisted. Finally, I said, "You keep that up and we won't go at all!" He pointed to the street light pole he was standing next to and quizzically said, "Keep that up?"
I just laughed.

On another occasion, I was in the bathroom, picking up stuff off the floor. Parker came walking in and said, "I gotta go potty. Move your big ol' butt."
Nice.

2nd Secret . . .

As promised:
Here's part 2 of the report, "7
Secrets for a Stronger Marriage."

==========================================
"7 Secrets for a Stronger Marriage."
By Mort Fertel
SECRET 2: TALK & TOUCH

==========================================

Did you ever hear the Paul Simon song, "50 Ways to Leave Your Lover"? It's a humorous song about a not-so-funny subject (the break-up of Simon's marriage). I don't want you to hop on a bus or drop off your keys, but the song does make a good
point about how to succeed in marriage.

See, the song's ultimate point is that once you make up your mind to do something, action is sure to follow. Whether you decide to leave or love, it's the decision that's most important. Once the decision is in your head, there are 50 ways you
could do either.

You want to improve your marriage, right? Good...you know WHAT you want. The only question left is HOW. HOW will you improve your marriage?

Let's be clear about one thing first. It has to be an ACTION. Contrary to popular opinion, love is NOT a feeling. It's a verb--the result of ACTIONS YOU CHOOSE every day.

Okay, but what action?

Within the next 24 hours, I want you to try a Talk Charge and a Touch Charge.

A Talk Charge is a 60 second positive, LOVING, verbal interaction with your spouse about a NON LOGISTICAL matter. It's a fun or frivolous chat.

A Touch Charge is similar, but it uses touch instead of talk. A Touch Charge is a LOVING physical gesture with your spouse. It's not foreplay or an advance for love making; it's just a warm touch for the sake of connecting in that moment.

Cindy (not her real name) is a client for whom I did marriage coaching. In one of our sessions, I noticed that Cindy was resistant to incorporating Touch Charges and Talk Charges into her relationship with her husband. She kept trying to change the subject. She said she wanted to discuss "bigger" matters. I couldn't imagine why she was so hesitant to do these 2 SIMPLE acts of love. Finally, I challenged Cindy and said, "Cindy, what's the problem. This is marriage renewal 101."

Eventually, Cindy told me why she didn't want to talk about Touch Charges and Talk Charges. "My marriage is horrible." Cindy said. "I need a BIG solution. I just don't think talking and touching is going to make a difference."

Cindy expressed a common thought, but she couldn't be more WRONG.

You don't succeed in marriage because of one Herculean event. There's no gift you can give, favor you can do, or letter you can write. When your marriage is on the rocks, it's common to want to "microwave" it better. But you can't. There's no quick fix. It took you years to get into this mess; it's going to take time for you to get out of it. And what's the way out? Listen carefully.

Successful spouses do SMALL THINGS in great ways for a long time.

Do you want REAL change and LASTING love in your marriage? Then establish the RIGHT HABITS and do them CONSISTENTLY. Talk and touch everyday, for example.

I guaranteed Cindy that if she would talk and touch REGULARLY, she would see a dramatic difference in her marriage. I promised Cindy that if I was wrong, I would personally fly to Nashville and give an entire day of marriage coaching to Cindy and her husband for free (worth $2500). Cindy agreed to try. I've still never been to Nashville.

Og Mandino says, "Take great comfort in knowing that ALL great feats are accomplished one small step at a time." TAKE THE SMALL STEPS! They make a BIG difference.

What if you don't feel like talking and touching? What if you haven't talked in days? What if you haven't touched in weeks?

The answer is--DO IT ANYWAY. I know it'll be hard, but do it.

The best way to change how you feel is to change what you do. If you wait until you feel like doing it, you'll be stuck forever. Just do it (more on this topic in secret 3).

If you were out of shape and the doctor told you to exercise 30 minutes each day, you wouldn't feel like doing that either. Success takes DISCIPLINE. What's discipline? Discipline is doing what you know you should do when you don't want to do it. That's worth saying again. Discipline is doing what you know you should do when you don't want to do it. Muster up some discipline and start talking and touching.

Do you remember when you used to just talk? Not about who's going to pick up the kids, make the dinner, or pay the bill...I mean just talk for the sake of talking. If you're like most couples, you need to start talking again. Tell your spouse about your dreams. Share your fears. Tell a joke. Talk about the interesting person you met today or the experience you had jogging in the park.

In the morning before you part for the day, share something with your spouse. In the middle of day, call your spouse for a Talk Charge. You don't have to be all sweetsie if you don't want to. But make sure you don't discuss anything logistical. And don't fight! Just talk.

You and/or your spouse probably feel you don't get enough attention from each other. As discussed, it could be that you need to talk more. But you also probably need to touch more.

REACH OUT AND TOUCH YOUR SPOUSE TODAY. Make it clear that you're touching them solely to connect in that moment. Try a warm kiss or a gentle rub. Stroke their cheek or play with their feet. It only takes a moment, but the positive energy can
carry you through an entire evening.

In my seminars, I give coins to a volunteer TWICE. The first time I drop it into his hand. The second time I place it in his hand and graze his hand while doing so. The volunteer is not always sure why, but when I ask which time I gave him the coins was a more pleasant experience, he always says it was the second time...when I TOUCHED him. Touch creates more than just a physical connection. It makes us feel different inside.

When you caress your spouse's hand, play with their feet, rub their shoulders, or stroke their cheek, there's a moment there (if you do it RIGHT) when your spouse knows that you are completely connected with them. Fill your marriage with a few
of those moments each day and your relationship will begin to change.

Now I don't want to leave you hanging...wondering what you're going to say and how you're going to touch. I figure if there's 50 ways to leave your lover, there must be at least as many ways to touch them or talk to them. So here's my "50 ways" list. Don't be overwhelmed. I created 50 so you would have options. Once again, my challenge to you is to pick 2...in the next 24 hours do 1 Talk Charge and 1 Touch Charge.

MORT'S 50 WAYS TO TALK AND TOUCH LIST

1. Express confidence in one of your spouse's
decisions

2. Share dessert with one fork

3. What was "your song" when you were dating? Call
your spouse and sing it to them.

4. Surprise visit your spouse at their office or
home and give them a kiss... and then leave.

5. Play footsie next time you sit together

6. Learn a new joke today and share it with your
spouse

7. Ask how your spouse's day went... and really
listen

8. Kiss your spouse upon waking

9. Kiss your spouse before sleeping

10. Caress your spouse's hand

11. Touch your spouse's cheek or hand while
driving

12. Rub shoulders next time you sit next to each
other

13. Sit on your spouse's lap or sit them on yours

14. Compliment something your spouse is wearing

15. Call your spouse out of the blue to let them
know you are thinking of them

16. Give your spouse a neck or shoulder massage

17. Share a story from the news or your day that
you thought was interesting

18. What about dancing before dinner? No one's
looking...

19. Tell your spouse that if you had to do it all
over again, you'd choose them

20. Share a problem - thank your spouse for their
concern

21. Play with your spouse's hair while talking in
bed

22. Fall asleep holding hands

23. Remind your spouse to drive safely next time
they leave the house

24. Call your spouse at work with the latest news.

25. Have a tickle "fight"

26. Say "I'm sorry" about a mistake you recently
made

27. Think of 3 ways your spouse has made you a
better person--tell them now

28. Compliment your spouse on your favorite
physical trait

29. Play Twister and let yourself laugh out loud

30. Look at your spouse when they are unaware of
your gaze--share your feelings

31. Share what you most admire about your spouse

32. Have a "remember when?" moment.

33. Thank your spouse for helping you through a
challenging time in your life

34. Find a reason to touch your spouse when you
are in the same room

35. Dig out the wedding album and reminisce

36. Hold hands under the table

37. Brush your mate's hair out of his/her eyes

38. Straighten his tie, being sure to touch him
with love

39. Button or zip her dress, being sure to touch
her with love

40. Knead the same dough together

41. Kiss in the elevator when no one is looking

42. Express confidence in your spouse's ability to
overcome a problem

43. Listen to your spouse's worries - ask how you
can help

44. Make your spouse's lunch for the day...deliver
it with a kiss

45. Send your spouse a fax with your special "code
words" for I Love You!

46. Turn off your spouse's alarm clock - wake them
with a massage

47. Kiss the back of your spouse's neck while
he/she is reading

48. Before parting, tell your spouse you can't
wait to see him/her again

49. An extra hug for no reason at all never hurt
anyone

50. "Spoon" your mate while sleeping

More to come in Part 3.

Mort Fertel
Author of Marriage Fitness
Marriage Coach

Totally Cool!

These kind of "fun" things are everwhere in the blog world, but this one is the coolest!! Thanks Snozzberry lady for having it on yours. :)

Marriage Fitness

As of late, it seems many couples are having their fair share of "problems". In response to my own, I recently discovered this guy and his most excellent view on the matter of marital "bliss". So, for the next few days, I will be posting the e-mails I have received entitled, "7 Secrets for a Stronger Marriage". Hopefully you will benefit.

As promised, here's part 1 of the breakthrough
report you requested, "7 Secrets for a Stronger
Marriage."

In this report you'll discover some secrets for
renewing your marriage. Let's get started...

==========================================
"7 Secrets for a Stronger Marriage"
By Mort Fertel

SECRET 1: PUT YOUR PROBLEMS ASIDE

==========================================

If you're reading a report about how to improve
your marriage, you're probably expecting to learn
problem-solving strategies, communication
techniques, and insights about gender differences.
Do I have a SURPRISE for you!

The key to renewing your marriage is none of those
things.

How do I know this? Because I experienced it!

Unlike other relationship experts who approach the
topic from a clinical perspective, for me marriage
renewal is very personal. I'd like to share with
you my story.

My wife and I started out deeply in love. I
remember staying up all night talking, surprising
each other with thoughtful gifts, and speaking to
each other in code words. You know the feeling of
really being connected? That was us.

But then something happened that destroys most
marriages. We had a son who died when he was just
one week old. And then we had twin daughters, who
also died as newborns.

Understandably, my wife became depressed. I coped
by immersing myself in work. We ran from each
other emotionally.

Your situation probably was not so tragic, but
something happened. What was it? How did you lose
each other? Maybe you can't put your finger on it,
but things just aren't the same, right?

For us, after losing 3 children, everything felt
different. Instead of talking all night, it was a
chore to talk for a few minutes. Instead of using
our code words, we used curse words. Our
relationship consisted of screaming matches and
silent treatments.

Somewhere deep in our heart though, like you, we
knew we didn't want to lose each other. So we made
a commitment to work on our marriage. Sometimes I
tried and my wife didn't. Sometimes my wife tried
and I didn't. We went through different stages of
"trying."

What did we try?

We tried the obligatory, "Honey, let me repeat
what you said to make sure I understood you
correctly." We applied conflict resolution
strategies. My wife learned about Mars and I
learned about Venus. We even went to therapy to
wrestle with our problems. But guess what. Nothing
changed. Nothing worked.

All the advice we got (books, counselors, CD's,
whatever) asked us to face our problems. But that
just made us feel worse. And fight more.

Then we had a breakthrough.

We decided to SET ASIDE OUR PROBLEMS and try to
CONNECT with each other.
We used "POSITIVE relationship exercises" that
transformed our marriage. Not only did we resolve
our differences, we fell in love again! And we did
it...not by dealing with our problems (as serious as
they were)...but by establishing HEALTHY HABITS that
brought positive energy to our relationship.

This is the solution to most marital situations!
Believe it or not, the secret is to STEP AWAY FROM
YOUR PROBLEMS and SPEND YOUR TIME AND ENERGY
building your relationship through POSITIVE
ACTIONS.

It's counter intuitive, but if you strengthen your
relationship, most of your problems will dissipate
and what remains of them can be more easily
resolved in a safer, softer, and more forgiving
marital environment.

Pascha, before you deal with your problems,
you first have to build good will with each other.

Pascha, if your marriage is stressed, do
NOT tackle your problems. If your timing is off,
trying to solve problems with your spouse will
damage your marriage and make it LESS LIKELY that
you'll ever find resolution.

If you have lower-back problems, sometimes the
solution is to do sit-ups. Strengthening one part
of your body can heal another. Your marriage works
in a similar way.

Now you can see why Marriage Fitness is
fundamentally different from any other approach to
relationship success. It's not about
conflict-resolution or communication skills
because these are NOT the key to renewing a
marriage. The key is NOT to fix what's wrong. The
key is to make new things right.

And there are, in fact, specific things you can do
(with or without your spouse) to make things right
in your marriage.

Just as there are physical laws of the universe
(such as gravity), there are also laws for
relationships. Just as the right diet and exercise
program makes you physically stronger, certain
habits in your relationship WILL make your
marriage stronger. It's a direct cause and effect.
If you know and apply the laws, the results are
predictable--you can "make" love.

Marriage Fitness offers you a step-by-step system
to make and maintain love in your marriage. The
program works for any marriage even if only one
spouse does it. And the best news is that you
don't have to dig into your past, dredge up your
problems, or practice communication techniques.
This is not marriage counseling; it's Marriage
Fitness.

Next time I'll email you secret 2. Take care until
then.

Mort Fertel
Author of Marriage Fitness
Marriage Coach